Since my arrival at SXSW, I’ve been drinking beer and whiskey from breakfast till the break of dawn. Hicks and hipsters here don’t drink PBR. They have Lone Star. It’s cheap, tall and makes you sweat like a Southern pig. So instead of drinking water, drink Lone Star. It’s just as tasty and nearly as cheap.
As for nutrition, I’m eating Mexican food on a daily basis. Mainly from the local Texas Chili Parlour, which is known for being in that movie Death Proof with Kurt Russell. Too many beans and beers can really make some enemies at SX, so I decided to avoid beans entirely.
I woke up on day two with a massive bite mark on my ass cheek and a bloody nose. I’m pretty sure someone punched me ’cause it was bleeding from the inside, with multiple cuts on the outside. I don’t remember due to my rolling blackouts.
Here’s the music that soothed my soul.
First stop was Why? I’m a big fan of the band’s singer, and of his label, Anticon. Why? sounds like a walk through Bay Area University on pot brownies. Spacey, folky and hip hop-ish but no cookie-cutter shit! Montreal should follow these geniuses and their scene of Oakland freaks. The best in the west, y’all!
Second stop was Sacramento’s Trash Talk at the Vans party. These guys are dangerous live and love spitting on strangers. Brutal hardcore punk is the first thing that comes to mind, but these guys are straight-up gangsters on skateboards and weed. I had the chance to kick it with these guys back when I lived in Sac. They moved to L.A. and now kick it with Odd Future and Bob Barker.
I was the dude who picked up TT at the airport on their first MTL visit. They had a very good knowledge of MTL’s punk history. I tried taking them out but ended up getting kicked out in a matter of minutes. These guys are a liability everywhere they go or play and don’t like people getting in their faces. I also don’t think these dudes have health care due to many untreated bruises all over their bodies. Let’s just say I’m lucky to be on their good side.
Later that night, I hit up the Pop Montreal showcase at Swan Dive. Karneef took the stage in his ’80s-Miami, cock-showing shorts. I heard he smokes garbanzo beans before his performances as a part of an old Lesbianese tradition. He claims it’s all natural and it’s good for his metabolism. During his set, he actually stopped in the middle of a song and decided he didn’t like that song anymore and was quick to start another jam. Karn made my water turn into Jameson. After Karn, A Tribe Called Red and Suuns made sure we went to bed hurting after a night of dancing and twisting our necks.
At 2 a.m., I found myself at some douche bar called Coyote Ugly to meet my old friend Eric Rushing and all his hardcore metal mafia friends. I totally didn’t fit in, so I convinced my buds from SF to tag along and watch my back. They’re in a band called Geographer. That’s when I saw my first business meeting gone bad. All I know is the dudes who own the labels Sumerian Records and Rise Records got into a crazy altercation amongst themselves, and I happened to be right in the middle of it. It was pretty intense and dramatic. Lot of finger pointing and the word “bitch” was all over the place.
Last thing I remember is having a conversation with an ATM machine till 6 a.m. on 6th Street. ■
More Mexican food and women
Ain’t No Love
Short Bus Subs
Viceland VIP pass
The new pope
My hotel cleaning lady walking in on me naked in bed
Bloody sheets (from bloody nose)
No taxis at SXSW
Too many ppl
Running out of underwear
$500 disappeared from my account
Read Mikey’s first SXSW report here.