Skip your office Xmas party and hit these gigs

The top shows this week + sold-out announcements so you don’t look like a dolt at the door.

If you’ve picked up the Dec. print edition of Cult MTL, which hits the street this week, you will notice I whined up a storm about the month of December and its harrowing effect on the amount of gigs putting sweat on the walls of local haunts.

If you didn’t read my bah-humbugness, things are slow starting this week and will be a little lean until we have at least taken a big bite out of credit card bills and finally shaken off the NYE hangover. This week does battle with Xmas parties and house parties but that is not to say there aren’t some hotsy totsy gigs, including two that are sold out, so read on so you don’t look like a tit at the door.

Thursday: Although guitar-driven indie rock makes me break out in hives, I have to give the shimmering chang of Parquet Courts a pass. These young librarians in waiting will be laying it down at Théâtre Corona, with Pottery opening up. 2490 Notre-Dame W., 8 p.m., $40

Friday: You know that if local promoters Analogue Addiction and Distorsion are teaming up, it’s sure to be a barnstormer so don’t even bother testing the streaming Internet waters – just go to l’Esco to catch Ava Luna, Hélène Barbier and Tamayuage. 4461 St-Denis, 9 p.m., $10/$12

I am so fuggin’ old I went to long gone venue Fort Moshington (which was a living room on Berri and you had to take off your shoes before entering) and the Cancer Bats played to me and four other people who were friends with the Fort Moshington people. The show had to be over before the three other roommates returned home. I guess the Bats have come a long way since then and will headline Club Soda over the Flatliners (1225 St-Laurent, 8 p.m., $25/$28). Afterwards I will be djing the official afterparty at Turbo Haüs. I wonder if they will remember me with my shoes on? (2040 St-Denis, 11 p.m., price unlisted)

I went to Ghost the first time they came to town at Corona and left halfway through, as it was completely piss poor. Your mileage my vary. Perhaps it is telling they are playing in Laval. This is an early show, so hit up Place Bell right after supper. 1950 Claude Gagné, 7:30 p.m., $64.25

Easily one of the heaviest and sadly unsung bands (what is about Montreal not recognizing our heavier exports?), le Kraken are keeping at ‘er and launching yet another jammer at Sala with their buds Carcajou. 4848 St-Laurent, 8 p.m., $10/$12

If you just want to frug out to a rocking band, you could do a lot worse than getting your sorry ass down in the basement of Sala (la Sotterenea) to check out Lightbulb Alley with the Constant Supervision and the Rejectors. 4848 St-Laurent, 8:30 p.m., $10.50

Saturday: If you want to dance for a good cause and you dig goth, new wave, post punk, darkwave, EBM etc. you will want to make the third edition of Rock Bottom at la Sotterrnea. All proceeds will benefit the Trans Lifeline. 4848 St-Laurent, 10:30 p.m., $5/PWYC

One of the gigginest power pop bands in the city, the Sick Things, will dust off those awesome Thin Lizzy/Nerves riffs at Turbo Haüs with their best riffin’ buds Mardi Noir and Cobrateens, with DJ Mathieu Beauséjour keeping you dancing. 2040 St-Denis, 9 p.m., $10/$12

On the flippity flop is a full-band assault of thisquietarmy who will touch down after a world tour while also launching the new jammer The Body and the Earth. This will be fuggin’ spectacular. Opening up is the dark folk of Delorca and Darkwinds, at Casa. 4873 St-Laurent, 9 p.m., $10

The Thalia Zadek Band

In the first of two sold out announcements is the 30th anniversary of les Bons à Rien with the 20th anniversary of street punkers the Prowlers at Kataoombes (natch). If you don’t have tickets, you will also be missing les Ordures Ioniques, les Rektums and Beton Arme. Loser!

Tuesday: If you are hip to ûber-killer ’80s/’90s underground bands Live Skull and Come, you already know the sweet rasp of Thalia Zadek will reduce you to a puddle. She plays Casa with Night Lunch and Puzzlehead. Yep this gets the Hammer bump this week. 4873 St-Laurent, 9:30 p.m., $10/$13

Wednesday: The second gig to sell out in advance this week is the mighty reedsman Colin Stetson, who will be doing the wang dang doodle (if doing the wang doodle is playing congruent counter melodies through circular breathing) at le Ritz with Justin Wright. Again, this has been long sold out, so you have been warned.