Trippin’ on words

Until fairly recently, there was always this weird translation on boxes of Barilla-brand noodles that said “Alimentary Paste,” a sort of a half-assed amalgamation of French and English I always took for granted as a kind of amusingly flawed by-product of provincial language laws likely conceived by less-than-interested exporters.

Now I’m sort of wondering if there might not be a simple logic in franglacizing everything that way, so we can all have the chance to be as confused as the poor citizen the OQLF claims was incensed by Buonanotte’s flagrant disrespect for Bill 101.

Or maybe we should just fuggedaboutit, like this slick character over here. “Menus? Which menus? Meh, I don’t see so good. Languages? I hear lotsa languages!”

Really though, to watch Milioto and the OQLF go, the only way to mask the nausea is have a good laugh at it. For the former, when I watch him go, all I can think of is “Frankie Five Angels” from The Godfather II.

As for the latter, you know, hard not to just wanna face it with a childlike outburst and spit four-letter French on ’em.

But honestly, if you’re looking around this city and this province right now in a constant state of disgust, it’s on you to do more than whine about mismanagement, corruption and ineptitude.

What that is, I would love to know, too. I can’t help but think how last year I couldn’t make my mind up about the student action and the root of the issues that got people so worked up on all sides. But I’m willing to bet the same people who close-mindedly blamed “spoiled brats and their iPads” and whatever all that nonsense was are the same people feeling as completely hopelessly outraged as always at living under this kind of back-assward big top and feeling like the sideshow.

If that’s you, regardless of your first language, your politics, your worldview — if you’re tired of getting screwed every which way, do something about it. You don’t have to go bang pots and pans, but if you pay taxes here and just shrug that shit off as the way things are, you are as much the problem as the corrupt officials and inept bureaucrats we all hate.

All that said, these are your good times this week.

Thursday – Well, it’s the hip, the hop, the hip hop hibby…Hip Hop Karaoke is back at le Belmont. This month’s video contest winner is local scene devotee MF Gold, who crushed it with her take on Missy’s classic “Get Ur Freak On.”

Despite a nasty cold that she feared may take her voice, Gold’s devotion to bringing a high-level, pro aesthetic got her over in a big way. This having been her second HHK performance, Gold, 24, says the greatest thing about HHK to her is seeing the youngest generation of clubgoers embrace the golden era. Seeing people 18 or 19 knowing every word to songs that came out before they were born is inspiring to her, and frankly it is one of the elements that makes the event so fun. And if you’ve never checked it out, be the first to email me and tell me what song you rap in the shower and win a pair of tickets for tonight!

Friday – Toronto rip-shit trio Badbadnotgood light it up at l’Astral as part of Montreal en Lumière. This is probably the biggest ticket of the week, and unless you’ve been reading the fine print on metro ads like me, this may have been under a lotta radars. Go peep game.

Move on up to Korova post-show for WhatsCOOKinFridayz and catch special guest Kaytranada. One day you’ll be sayin’ how you saw Kaytranada at Korova, promise.

Saturday – The next biggest things, Ain’t No Love, bring it on home with a pile of new material, but those same great smiles to cap off a little road jaunt in style at le Belmont with a special guest whose names begins with a “K” and is permanently in my spell check at this point.

Dip to Salon Officiel for Please Me Saturdays with Mayday Malone and this week’s guest Nicky Raisinz in the booth for that extra somethin’.

Sunday – The Hiram Key Project returns for a third installment, this time out at CFC, with event regulars in the building. My mans Enzo the Biscuitboy will be on hand with affordable grub as he continues to bring some new flavour, literally, to the rap show scene.

Monday – A pillar of the Detroit music scene, Stones Throw-er Karriem Riggins returns to Montreal for a DJ set alongside Scott C and a certain extremely prolific local producer/DJ whose name is both memorable and easily pronounced in either official language, and whom Riggins himself told me he is excited to play with in a cool Q&A you can read here in full tomorrow. ■

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