Nikki Glaser: “America is cooked”

Roast mistress, stand-up queen and Golden Globes host Nikki Glaser may be effortlessly vulgar and caustic on stage, but in another professional mode — during an interview — she’s not what you might expect.

For the uninitiated, Glaser is renowned — infamous, even — for her roasting skills, most recently bringing it in full force at The Roast of Tom Brady, and previously at the Comedy Central roasts of Rob Lowe, Bruce Willis and Alec Baldwin between 2016 and 2019.

Glaser describes herself as someone who prefers to follow the rules and doesn’t like getting in trouble, adding that she’s very aware of her place in the Hollywood hierarchy — which is not that high up, apparently. This might explain why Glaser — who did a great job hosting the Golden Globes on Jan. 5 — held back her acerbic side at the awards show. Not surprisingly, some Glaser gems were rejected prior to the ceremony, only to be revealed on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM the next day — including a Luigi Mangione joke that really ought to have been left in.

“For the Golden Globes, none of these people are signing up to be roasted,” Glaser says. “I don’t want to ruin anyone’s night and I certainly don’t want to ruin my reputation. I already feel like an outsider as a comedian and I don’t want to ostracize myself even more by being a villainess who’s calling them out. Also, for me to make fun of them is almost hypocritical because I’d kill to be in their shoes and be a respected actor — but instead, I’m like a clown on stage. Although I love my job, it’s the thing I fell into because I’m never going to be taken seriously. 

“I don’t want to make enemies. I still want to work in this town! When I’m [former Golden Globes host] Ricky Gervais and I’m on my last awards show and I’ve made my hundreds of millions of dollars, maybe that’s a different story. Maybe I will have some bridges to burn and some behavior to call out. I’m definitely collecting that kind of stuff right now for when I get into a power position where I have a right to call things out — when I’m untouchable. For now, I have to kind of play the game a little bit. But I’m still having fun.”

Incidentally, Glaser’s credits include a number of acting roles, in film and TV, reality TV appearances and, of course, comedy specials, including last year’s stellar Nikki Glaser: Someday You’ll Die, which won the Writer’s Guild of America award and was nominated for four other awards, including a Golden Globe.

Last month, the Golden Globes announced that Glaser will be back as host next year, suggesting that she got the balance right by Hollywood standards. At roasts, conversely, there is (almost) unlimited leeway for how personal, raunchy and offensive your jokes can be.

“There have been lines that I found out about later on, after I’d crossed them, or  sometimes a producer will say, hey, this person doesn’t want you to say this. But I always start writing like there’s no boundaries because that’s what you sign up for when you’re being roasted,” Glaser explains, noting that celebrity subjects at the Comedy Central roasts were paid millions, and subsequently donated the money to the charities of their choice.

“If any parameters come up, I respect them because I like being the good girl. I want to play by the rules, but I love when the rules can be bent or I can find ways around them without really getting in trouble.

“There are things that I’ve talked about on certain roasts that I thought were going to be almost hack by the time that I got on stage because it seemed to me like the obvious stance to take on someone, or the thing to poke at. But then I’m the only one who does it and people go, ‘Jesus Nikki, you really went for the jugular!’ and I’m like, ‘That’s what I thought we were supposed to do!’”

Glaser cites the secrecy around everyone’s material as one of the stresses in preparing for a roast. Not knowing what other comics are going to do means there’s no way to tell whether your jokes will be repetitive, whether the tone is too cutting or not mean enough. Then there’s the fact that, as a roaster, you’re also opening yourself up to the same level of nasty takedowns that the star of the night is receiving. 

“You have to hear things about yourself that really hurt your feelings, and you have to pretend like they don’t,” she admits. “I’m 40 now. People are just going to call me old and horse-faced and a whore. I don’t need it.”

Between this abuse and the arduous prep involved in celebrity roasts, Glaser was considering hanging up her roasting gloves for good, but the Tom Brady gig was impossible to pass up.

“I only do it now for the exposure, not even the money. It’s just to showcase what I’m good at, which is joke-writing and putting together a set and performing. It’s one place, as a comedian, where all eyes are on you. It’s a big event that is like nothing else. It’s almost similar to Johnny Carson Tonight Show sets in the old days, where that one performance could make or break your whole career.”

Glaser says she doesn’t approach roasts as a forum to “bring truth to power,” and while she loves the thought of skewering prominent narcissists like Kanye West and, yes, Donald Trump (who was already the subject of a Comedy Central Roast back in 2011), she points out that even the meanest jokes don’t truly penetrate people like them. Except maybe in the way that triggers their anger.

“I’d love to have Trump sit there and tell it to him like it is, but I don’t want to be put to death. There’s consequences for telling narcissists what’s what.”

When I spoke with Glaser in late February, I asked her where she thought the U.S. invasion of Canada would be at by the time this issue came out in April. The St. Louis native (who still lives in her hometown) did not take the question lightly.

“I want to make it clear that most of us down here are completely embarrassed and you have every reason to mock us and be completely horrified at what’s happening. I mean, who the hell knows? I’m scared. It’s gotten out of control. I really feel like America is cooked. 

“Just know that I’m coming across your border with my tail between my legs. I might just stay up there in Canada forever.”

Glaser has plenty of experience on this side of the border, having been a fixture at Just for Laughs in the 2010s. Her first experience at JFL was way back in 2007, and while she has lots of good memories of this city, that first time was not one of them.

“I shouldn’t have been at the festival. I had a very lackluster performance, and it was devastating. You go to Just for Laughs thinking your life is going to change, and it didn’t. Then I got blackout drunk and slipped on the dancefloor and sprained my wrist. I just embarrassed myself drinking in that town. But coming back to Montreal for years after that was just the best time. Great crowds. Great parties. It’s summer camp for comedians.”

Glaser has been sober since 2012, and she’s also a vegan who’s more into health food than poutine, a dish she’s never tried. “I’ve watched people eat it, and it looks bad,” she says.

“The last time I was in Montreal, I got a ticket for jaywalking — that was memorable. It was right on that main drag where all the shopping is. [Ed.’s note: Ste-Catherine]. I just remember crossing the street and a cop pulled me over with his finger and said, ‘Get over here!’ and wrote me a ticket in front of everyone. It was humiliating, but it was kind of hot to be honest with you.” ■

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Nikki Glaser (@nikkiglaser)

Nikki Glaser performs at Olympia (1004 Ste-Catherine E.) on May 9, 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m., $66.25

---

For more Montreal comedy coverage, please visit the Comedy section.