QAnon Quebec flag

RANT LINE: Is QAnon really a thing in Quebec?

PLUS: the language police, actual police, St-Denis Street & Bobby Orr are f*cked!

“Look, I know Quebec is SPECIAL, but I did not know we had that many conspiracy theorists — is this QAnon?”

M Bobby Orr. Bobby fucking Orr. Bobby fucking Bobby Orr. [BLEEP!]

M All right, so the RINKS are going to be open. Great! Oh but wait, there will not be any HOCKEY allowed. On the hockey rink! Okay, is there a big difference between skating around in circles in free skating and playing hockey on an outdoor rink? I don’t think so. Most of the people playing outdoor hockey are just skating around in circles anyway! I don’t see the difference in terms of contact. And also, how are they going to do this? Will there be guards there to stop you from bringing your hockey stick onto the hockey rink? Or will you be allowed to bring your stick onto the rink just as long as you don’t get into a game? Just as long as you just skate around in circles—like you would probably be doing in a game anyway! You see what I mean? I don’t think they thought this through. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, well I just heard that the Legault government is going to put $5-million into the Office de la Langue Française so that they can run around town looking for BAD WORDS like ESPRESSO. Oh my God, are they out of their minds? Is there nothing better that they can think of to do with $5-million? Anyway, this guy MARTIN says it better than I can, check it out on YouTube. It’s called, “Are You Serious, OQLF!?!” [BLEEP]

F Hey, so Canada’s plan to ban SINGLE-USE PLASTICS — you must be kidding me! Their BOLD PLAN is to ban straws, forks and six-pack rings by the end of NEXT YEAR? What about all the other unrecyclable plastic packaging and bottles that fill our stores? [BLEEP!]

M Hello Rant Line™. I just want to say that I tried to download the COVID APP as suggested by the government. I happen to have a relatively recent iPhone, but it tells me the app’s not compatible with my phone’s IOS. What the fuck? For my mother, it’s worse — she does not have a recent iPhone, she has an iPhone 6 — and the app will not work at all on the iPhone 6. It won’t take the IOS. Our family got her this phone, it’s all she needs, it works perfectly well for her — but the app won’t work. And you know, she can’t be the only older person in this city who has an older phone. Couldn’t they have thought of this when they were coming up with the app? [BLEEP!]


FI just got an Amazon delivery, or I should probably say an Amazon product THROWN on the front porch, and the guy was driving a beat-up van from like the ’90s and it looked like his other job was SUR LE B.S. No wonder they’re making record profits. [BLEEP!]

M Hello, this is about these people demonstrating because they don’t want to wear MASKS. They don’t want to social-distance, they think it is all a HOAX. They were out there today, there were thousands of them. They think it is all a conspiracy, they think it is all bullshit. Look, I know Quebec is SPECIAL, but I did not know we had that many conspiracy theorists — is this QAnon? Is this where they are getting it? Is this what they are seeing on Facebook and Twitter? I heard that there are radio stations or podcasts that are also feeding them this bullshit but I have never heard of these stations or listened to them. For sure there is nothing I see or hear that would make me get out and scream that my rights are being STOMPED on or that it is all a big PLOT. But one thing, I did see a lot of Quebec flags out there waving around — maybe these are NATIONALISTS looking for something to do? I don’t know, would somebody please ENLIGHTEN me? [BLEEP!]

M Yeah hi, this is a rant responding to the previous rant saying that ST-DENIS STREET is DEAD and that’s why there’s a fucking bike lane now. Listen, the bike lane, it’s fine, no objections to that. But St-Denis is dead because Projet fucking Montréal KILLED it. Ferrandez was in charge of Economic Development blah blah-blah, quote unquote — which is a joke coming from anybody who works for Projet Montréal. And then near the end of his term, it’s like, “Oh yeah shit, things are pretty bad, we need a bike lane.” They’re asleep at the wheel — Projet Montréal causes more problems than they solve. A bike lane is fine, but they STRANGLED this city. They strangled it with too much zoning, and not allowing (developers) to build HIGH ENOUGH. It’s putting make-up on a pig. All their solutions are cosmetic, it addresses none of the structural problems. You need to model this shit after Queen Street West in Toronto, King Street, Grand Allée in Quebec City. You need to build higher, you need to fucking develop this shit. Okay that’s my rant. Projet Montréal killed St-Denis Street. No problem with the bike lane but you got to make other changes. [BLEEP!]

M What’s up Rant Line™? I’ve been watching those POLICE INTERROGATION videos as of late on YouTube and it’s really fucked up. These pig cops are just not your FRIENDS at all. Their job is basically to TRICK YOU and find anything you’re doing wrong so that they can either jail you or throw a ticket in your face. And then you have to pay and all that shit, which is hard when you have a very low or near-poverty income. I mean, I’ve had a couple of tickets myself and the cop who gave one of them to me was a ZEALOUS piece of shit who got overrun by the SUPREME COURT over a ticket he was trying to do when he MANHANDLED a woman. Yeah, so pretty much all cops, their job is to trick you. So if you’re interrogated, never say shit. I repeat, never say shit. Just record it visually and with audio. Record it and shut the fuck up and wait for your lawyer. [BLEEP!]

M Just wanted to say hey to the cute Asian girl I keep seeing around the Plateau carving the waves on her ELECTRIC LONGBOARD at about 30K with her headphones on and no helmet. You rock, girl! [BLEEP!]


This feature was originally published in the November issue of Cult MTL.

See previous editions of the Rant Line™ here.

“Look, I know Quebec is SPECIAL, but I did not know we had that many conspiracy theorists — is this QAnon?”