Bob Larson at work

Bogus exorcists, texting cops, dirt-cheap weed and protest glue

The top tirades of the month from anonymous Montreal callers.

M Hello STM users. It’s bitterly cold today and the police are in our metro station kicking our WANDERERS out into the cold. If you can’t stand to see it, go and buy them a TICKET for three hours inside and go give it to them. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, so I heard about this $4.50 a gram pot at the SQDC. So I tried some and I have to tell you man: it’s crap! Stick with your DEALER if you want the real shit. [BLEEP!]

F Hi, I just wanted to say good for those teenagers — MINORS it said on the news — who protested by GLUING their hands to the store windows. Good for them. It really is going to take young people to get things done, to make a difference. And you know, I would have liked to be out there, too, but I think it would look a bit silly, you know, being a fully grown MOTHER of two. But my kids, when they get old enough, I would not stop them from taking part — I’m not sure if I would actively encourage them, because, of course, you worry, but I would not stop them. I just hope, I don’t know, I’m sure they thought of this, but I just hope they used the right type of glue? You know, not SUPER GLUE or something like that, that would hurt their hands? I’m sure they thought of that. I hope it was just, like, ELMER’S glue or SCHOOL GLUE. Although I don’t know if that would stick to a window? Anyway, I didn’t hear about any of them getting hurt, so it must have been okay. But some of them did get arrested, which I guess I wouldn’t really want my kids to be, you know, arrested — although I don’t think they would have been put in jail? Probably not. But you know, still, good for them. Somebody has to do something. Okay thanks, bye. [BLEEP!]

F I wish Luc Ferrandez and Lionel Perez would shut the fuck up about Valérie Plante. [BLEEP!]

M Fuck Bernier, fuck his ideals, I’m so fucking happy he is OUT. He’s a fucking huge racist, and I fucking hate him. That’s all I really have to say. I’m so glad he lost his fucking riding. Bye. [BLEEP!]

M Yeah, been noticing this. I gotta ask the people of the Rant Line™: have you seen COPS TEXTING a lot? I just walked by a cop, sitting in his car, and maybe he’s doing some work, maybe it’s something official, but to me, it just looked an awful lot like he was texting his BUDDY or something. I’ve seen it especially with police working the traffic lights, sort of playing on their phone. Again, maybe it’s official, but it seems to me they use radios. I’m barely allowed to take my phone out to check the time at my job, and the cop I just walked by, he kinda looked at me like I caught him doing something. We all know that LOOK. My boss knows that look when she catches me doing something. And the way I see it, I’m that cop’s boss. And you’re that cop’s boss. We’re all these fucking cops’ bosses. Never forget who pays whose salary. So maybe it’s time we start asking: what we’re not regularly allowed to do, in our positions of responsibility, maybe the cops shouldn’t be doing! Start with something small — like playing with your fucking phone when you’re on the job. If I can stop myself from doing that, I think Montreal’s finest can probably follow suit. [BLEEP!]

M This is related to the decision by the CAQ party to force the removal of all religious symbols. Why don’t we also abolish Christmas? I can’t walk down the street with a Jewish star of David or a BURQA? Like if I fucking wanna? What the fuck? If I want to wear fucking 17th century ESPADRILLES, I’ll fucking wear those. What are you going to do, legislate that one, too? Why not abolish Christmas and Easter and let’s abolish HOCKEY above all, because that’s the biggest religion. Anyway, I’m being somewhat hyberbolic about this, but I find it too forced, pushing people around like that. Although I do applaud the eradication of Christmas, for sure. Nobody likes Christmas, because it’s only for the rich and famous, right? [BLEEP!]

M Hi fellow ranters, Rockin’ Rob here. This is about Bob Larson, CHRISTIAN EXORCIST. I’ve got to tell the truth. Somebody has to, it may as well be me. I’m an open Christian metalhead but I don’t preach to people. I sing metal for Christ, yes, and I love my metal bands, but it’s about loving people. Bob Larson has done more to popularize the cause of the DEVIL than the devil himself. And all for money, all for profit. It’s all a fake, it’s all choreographed. And there are many people who are lonely and desperate and hurting who go to him because they want their pain gone and he capitalizes on them, telling them they are demons. No, they don’t have demons. They’e hurting and lonely and many have mental issues. It’s a crime. That’s not what Christ is about, Christ never went around doing that. And charging people on top of it. It’s total evil! That’s what I call SATANISM, what Bob Larson is doing. Now Satanism, in the true sense of the word, in fairness to my Satanist friends — they just have a philosophy of liberty. I hang out with my Satanist buddies, and I rock with them, but they know I’m for Christ and they respect me for that, because I don’t give them a hard time. Christ is about love, not about hate. Bob Larson—it’s pure evil, he’s popularizing the devil in the most negative sense. He’s the devil’s PR man if ever there was one! And I’m here to say it’s wrong, it’s a crime! He’s a profiteer. That’s not exorcism, it’s all a fake. And he doesn’t even believe in what he’s doing. But there are many people who are desperate who go to him and others like him and get ripped off. So there you go, Rockin’ Rob here, metalhead for Jesus Christ. Love is the answer. Don’t buy into those charlatans. God bless you all. [BLEEP!]