Stevie Nicks

It’s okay that Stevie Nicks is a witch, says Jesus metal guy

PLUS Justin Trudeau is more fruitcake than racist and two cops were caught having sex in a jail cell.

M Okay, so Justin Trudeau dressed in BLACKFACE, or brownface, or whatever face — a face that wasn’t his own, a face that he was culturally appropriating, or however you want to call it. Okay, I agree that it is not good. But I also think people are making too much of it, and like, really, people couldn’t see this coming? This guy is an ACTOR. He has spent most of his life acting and playing parts and looking for approval, now he is acting as a politician. Please remember, he used to be a drama teacher. He likes to dress up. And on top of that, he is a FRUITCAKE. And this brings me to my theory, a good theory I think, which is that he probably learned this behaviour at the hands of his mother, who is also a fruitcake. In fact she is one of the most famous fruitcakes in Canadian history. I am sure she encouraged him to dress up all the time. “Oh Justin, very good, today you are an Arab,” or “Oh Justin, very good, today you are Chinese.” Or maybe, “Oh JUSTINE, very good, today you are so cute, today you are a girl.” But, and this is a big but, there is a big difference between him dressing up because he is a CLOWN, and some CRACKER white southern dude dressing up in blackface because he is a racist. Justin Trudeau is not a racist. He’s just an actor and a fruitcake. I hope this clears things up for some people. [BLEEP!]

M Just heard that Metallica had to cancel its tour because James Hetfield is back in REHAB. All right, good luck, get well. But here’s a thought: did anyone ever suggest to him that maybe he should take a break from his own MUSIC? Playing that AGGRESSIVE, fast, hard music, most of it kind of MISERABLE, night after night, week after week — that could make anyone a BASKET CASE, no? Maybe he should get out an acoustic guitar and play some nice gentle FOLK SONGS for a while. I hope they have this in his rehab. Because, to be honest, it is crazy for him to be playing that same music that he started out playing when he was a teenager. Especially at the age he is at now. [BLEEP!]

F Hello. So I was at the climate change march today and I think overall it was wonderful. It was peaceful, it was meaningful — at least we hope so. But I couldn’t help noticing that most of the people were young and WHITE. Sure there were some old people, like seniors, but they were also white. The parents with little kids were typical, you know, GOOD MOMS AND DADS, and the kids were cute, but they were all white. So I had to think, where are all the black people? Where were all the Muslims? When I go to any part of the city outside of, like, Mile End and the Plateau, I see more visible minorities than white people! Look into any SCHOOLYARD, you can count the white kids on one hand. I hope this doesn’t make me sound racist, I hope it is more that I am racially aware. Because it makes me wonder, is worrying about climate change just a first world problem, a problem that only white people of privilege have the time for? Everyone else, who isn’t white, they are just trying to get by day to day. I don’t know, I guess this is why GRETA marched with the indigenous teenagers right up front, so at least there were a few people there who weren’t white and RICH. [BLEEP]

M Yes. Just the other day, a friend, a person of my association, a bit of a — well let’s just say he has a bit of a questionable mental constitution — had walked across the Jacques Cartier bridge in his BARE FEET. He was picked up by the police and unceremoniously deposited into their CELL CHAMBERS, and he was lying on the cold hard aluminum bed and listening to the police when — he heard them fucking! The police were fucking! He was awoken by this fact, that the police were having sex! The police that arrested him were fucking and having orgasms in the next cell! So, I don’t know if this story is a contribution to overall society, and I know he shouldn’t have been walking over the Jacques Cartier bridge in his bare feet but… isn’t life strange!? [BLEEP!]

M Yeah hi, this is the ex-homeless guy calling in again about the pampered fuck of a BETA MALE who called in and complained about people like me not having compassion for the homeless. Listen up, fuckboy. Not everyone is lucky, as you said, granted. I wasn’t lucky, I was on the streets when I was 19 years old. But when I was panhandling, did you ever help me out? No. Did you ever feel sorry for me? No. But at least I didn’t drink or go through the streets injecting myself in the EYEBALLS, to the point where I spent all my fucking dime looking for some smack. No, I decided I was going to go to fucking work, even if I didn’t have a roof over my head. And as for the homeless having mental issues, yeah I do have mental issues. I take Prozac to help prevent me from STRANGLING idiots like you who are so pampered they don’t even know what the fuck people are doing with their lives. You are probably living with your parents, or in some apartment in Mile End. You don’t know homelessness. I did. [BLEEP!]

M Hi fellow ranters, Rockin’ Rob here. STEVIE NICKS. Yes, Stevie Nicks. Awesome Fleetwood Mac vocalist. I am a Jesus metal rocker, I am totally open about it. I rock for Christ. But about Stevie Nicks. Many have said she’s a WITCH — like a wicked witch. But she never said she was, in fact, she said she isn’t! She likes wearing black — so what! And she sings about mystical subjects — so what! I find it very charming actually, that’s part of her mystique. Okay, I am a Jesus metal guy, but I am not a traditional WITCH HUNTER. And even if Stevie Nicks is a Wiccan or a witch — WHICH she isn’t, she never claimed she was, people put that on her — but even if she is, so what! She’s a terrific musician and human being. I’m a Jesus guy, and Jesus accepts everybody. I get hell from my CHURCH FRIENDS telling me I’m compromising. What? What’s so compromising about loving everybody? Let’s just rock out and chill out! That’s what Christ is all about. So Stevie Nicks, she’s just plain awesome. That’s what I say about her. Peace. [BLEEP!]