How to beat festival fatigue

Now that ’77 Montréal and Heavy Montreal have breathed their last sigh for another year, we prepare ourselves for the selfie fest known as Osheaga. If you are a regular reader of this column, chances are extremely high that you are not a member of the selfie-stick revolution and will be giving this Coachella with a head cold a pass….and that’s why I love you.

If you have to work there or pick up your kids or something, you will definitely want to at least check out Kurt Vile and the Violators, U.S. Girls and the amazing local act Teke Teke, who will take over the world in the same year Trump is kicked out of the White House. As far as those aforementioned musical menches, the drop-off on quality is huhuuuuge. Metric? Anywho, let’s get down to the gigs that matter.

Thursday: There might be a bunch of kids all hopped up on pep pills at l’Esco when they host Toronto’s post-punkers Deliluh with Broken Column, who launch their new EP Intuition with Hélène Barbier opening up. 4461 St-Denis, 9 p.m., $11.14

Friday: This is billed as an Osheaga afterparty, and who the fuck knows what that means, but if you want to check out some real, actual rock ’n’ roll just like Momma used to bake, you can make it to l’Esco to catch duo the Flamingos Pink with guests. 4461 St-Denis, 11:30 p.m., $11.14

Another new goth, industrial, EBM, post-punk night for the doom and gloom set is being cooked up at Cabaret Berlin, flying under the moniker of Camera Oscura with DJs Laszlo and my partner in crime Mickey Dagger. 1661 Ste-Catherine E., 10 p.m., $5

Almost as a way of battling the beige of Metric’s appearance in town, Toronto has offered up an olive branch and are sending down the sludge of Hammerhands with Jersey’s Au Revoir and Rhino at Turbo Haüs. 2040 St-Denis, 8 p.m., $12/$15

In more of a hard rock vein, you catch the greased up riffage of Moncton’s the Motorleague at la Vitrola with Vinyl Hero, the Unfound and Perfect Nonsense. 4602 St-Laurent, 8 p.m., $10/$15

Saturday: If you miss the days when you could skip along to punk (think the Epitaph and Fat Wreck years), you will want to check out the pop punk sounds of Indianapolis’s Amuse with Down Memory Lane and Second Harbor at God’s favourite bar, Barfly. I imagine that Barfly owner Anthony will not be able to sit through some woah-woah-woah skippy mall punk, but what the fug do I know? 4062A St-Laurent, 8 p.m., price not listed

If Osheaga has slim offerings for you but you still want to sink yer fangs into a fest, Montreal in the summer of course has you covered. Why not march down to Katacombes to catch the third edition of the Great Montreal Bash with All Out War, In Cold Blood, Heaven’s Die, Violent State, Peer Pressure, Born Without Hope and Spitting Truth. This is an early show, so skip dinner and remember that there is a sandwich in every beer. 1635 St-Laurent, 6 p.m., $23/$25

Sunday: If Jian Ghomeshi’s favourite band Metric hasn’t wrung you out with their tepid toe-tappers and you are frothing at the mouth looking for more, you can make your way down to Turbo Haüs for an official Osheaga afterparty (as long as there are morons and publicists and labels taking advantage of said morons, these afterparty cash grabs will always exist) with Thunderpussy, Hollis Brown and the Look Out, who killed it at ’77 Montréal. 2040 St-Denis, 10 p.m., $15 (or admission with a selfie stick, uh $15)

Tuesday: If you went to the Hammerhands gig on Friday and want to continue to get your sludge on, you can make it down to Casa to catch Fister, Wykan and Ritual Master. Woop woop. 4873 St-Laurent, 9 p.m., $12/$15

Current Obsession: Sebadoh, III

jonathan.cummins@gmail.com