Metal overlords descend on our winter hellscape

As anyone who works in the service industry will tell you, post-holidays is always the worst as most people are still licking their wounds and are probably curled up on a couch as they reel from returning back to work. With the mercury plummeting, it’s no wonder promoters are steering clear of touring bands demanding big show guarantees. This week is most definitely ruled by the metal overlords, but there is also a wacky dance show that should appeal to fans of the godfather of punk.

Friday: Fans of modern metal (yeesh) can finally get out of the mall to catch August Burns Red with Born of Siris, Erra and Ocean Grove at MTelus. Groan, what can I say? It’s a slow week. 59 Ste-Catherine E., 7 p.m., $33-$42.75

Saturday: If you are fan of modern dance, loud rock and Iggy Pop, you may want to make it down to the Centaur Theatre to catch the dance piece/rock show Idiot, which was directly inspired by the man whose torso looks like a well-worn catchers mitt. The dance section of the piece is choreographed by Helen Simard and members of Dead Messenger are bringing the rawk. This is all part of the Wildside Festival and earplugs are available at the theatre’s entrance. 453 St-François-Xavier, 9 p.m., $16/$13 students & seniors (note that Idiot will be performed four more times at Wildside this weekend and next week)

If you dig your grind, noise and power violence, you will want to drag your stanky carcass to la Vitrola to catch a night filled with mayhem featuring Patent, Toronto’s Holy Grinder, Maxxpower, l’Habit Me Suçe le Moin, Miriam, Goth Girl and Detainee. A good complementary cocktail to this evening would be a shit-ton of speed washed down with copious amounts of Four Loco. 4602 St-Laurent, 9 p.m., $10

Monday: For my money, there is nothing sadder than a nerd pretending to be a faux biker with a Sons of Anarchy or Black Label Society shirt emblazoned on his or her chest. If the above strikes a little close to home, you can be with your kin at MTelus when Wacky Zakk and his merry band of knuckle draggers lay down more pinch harmonics than Billy Gibbons at a Patent show. Normally I wouldn’t even tap this out but the openers are what make this (gulp) my big pick of the week. Check it: Corrosion of Conformity and motherfucking Eyehategod will show the room what real metal is. I can’t think of another gig with such opening royalty capped off with utter bullshit headliners. 59 Ste-Catherine E., 7:30 p.m., $48-$59.25

Tuesday: Do you like Marilyn Manson’s sense of theatre and manufactured angst and System of a Down’s hairpin turns and operatic scope? Well you better get down to l’Astral to catch one of the most hilarious bands I have ever heard — Avatar — when they bludgeon you with their Euro metal with the unlikely openers of psychobilly greasers the Brains and Hellzapoppin. Also while I have Avatar’s fans by the ear, maybe you should consider moving out of your Mom’s house. You’re 35 years old, fercrisakes. 305 Ste-Catherine W., 7:30 p.m., $30/$33

Current Obsession: Iggy Pop, The Idiot

jonathan.cummins@gmail.com