The festival of total heaviosity has arrived

Holy fuck, it’s hot. As I tap this out, I’m dripping sweat into my keyboard — and, admittedly, not wearing a stitch of clothing —and my oscillating fan is just shaking its head as if to say, “No, no cool air for you!” If you think it’s hot now, this week’s utterly crazy music fest will definitely keep the heat coming. For metal fans who found that Extreme’s gentle plucking and crooning of “More Than Words” took the Heavy out of Heavy Montreal a couple of weeks ago, your prayers for total heaviosity are indeed answered this weekend. Read on, metal warriors.

Saturday: For a night of malicious metal, head downtown to Piranha Bar for Noromaor (featuring Kaaaarazy Kyle Lapointe! I tell you the guy is just plain zany), ex-Mad Parish members’ new jam Cromagnum, Kruhl and ex-Dry Heave’s eviler joint Devora. 680 Ste-Catherine W., 8 p.m., $8/$10

At more familiar surrounds you can scale the stairs of la Vitrola to see Aussie’s Royal Headache, Sheer Mag, No Negative and Twoanda. 4602 St-Laurent, 9 p.m., $10/$12

New rock palace Matahari Loft gets broken in with Chicago’s Gel Set and Spa Moans while Police des Moeurs and Litige bring the hometown love. 1673 Mont-Royal, 11 p.m., $5-$10 sliding scale

Tuesday: For a night of saccharine encrusted indie rock you can catch the Liz Phair croon and Weezer strum of Colleen Green with Mannequin Pussy and Oh No! Yoko at the always swell digs of Brasserie Beaubien. 73 Beaubien E., 9 p.m., $10

Wednesday: To kick off next weekend’s Passovah Fest, two local heavy hitters — Miracle Fortress and Moonface — go toe to toe at Théâtre Fairmount with DJ L.A. Foster filling in all of the gaps. 5240 Parc, 8 p.m., free with registration

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The Obscene Extreme Festival happening this weekend is so fucking crazy, I’m gonna have to give this its own fuggin’ space. More extreme bands from all over North America and Europe than you can count, so ya betta buckle up, fuckos:

Thursday: The pre-fest festivities starts at TRH Bar with Putrid Pile, Noisem, P.L.F., Homewrecker, Obsolete Mankind, Who Cares?, Purgatoir and Vaginal Addiction (take that, Black Pussy). 3699 St-Laurent, 7 p.m., $23 all-in

Friday: This is where things get fucking nutz. The grind starts at the ungodly hour of noon at Théâtre Telus and goes all the way to last call. If you can sit through 16 hours of crust, grind, death, punk and thrash, then you are truly more extreme than I. You can start your day off with a nice cup o’ joe and the jolting sounds of Talk Sick followed by G.O.D., Homolka, Retardnation, Corrupt Leaders, Soil of Ignorance, Powercup, Handcharger, Archagathus, Aggression (not the ’80s skatecore band), P.L.F., Fuck the Facts, Putrid Pile, Morpheus Descends, Jig Ai, Agathovles, Gruesome, Shirenic (who will pay tribute to grind legends Putrid Stench), Abdicate and Hidden Pride, playing to those left standing. 1280 St-Denis, 12 p.m., $51.74 all-in

Saturday: For those of you who felt cheated by Friday’s measly 16 hours of grind, Obscene Extreme kicks things off at (gulp) 11 a.m. at Théâtre Telus with Crosstitution, Goe Magot, Biological Monstrosity, Mother Brain, Putrescence, Mesrine, Department of Correction, Rumplestelskin Grinders, Gull of Hell (!), Psycho, Total Fucking Destruction, Soothsayer, Inhumate Malignancy, Magrudergrind, Broken Hope, Trap Them (!), Drop Dead (!!!!), Immolation, Saccage and Deche-Charge. 1280 St-Denis, 11 a.m., $51.74 all-in

Sunday: If you still haven’t had enough, Obscene Extreme caps things off at Katacombes starting with a vegan BBQ and band meet and greets at the slightly more respectable hour of 3 p.m. Also playing is Deboned, Holly Cost, Tentacles, Napalm Raid, Dysentry, System Shit and Jig Ai once again. 1635 St-Laurent, 3 p.m., $28.74 all-in

 

Current Obsession: Napalm Death, Scum

jonathan.cummins@gmail.com