Montreal is a cornerstone of the adult entertainment empire

Casual nudity? Drug-fuelled pool parties? Perish the thought. Turns out that working for one of the biggest porn companies in North America is not as crazy as one might imagine. In some ways, from the catered breakfast to state-of-the-art amenities, MindGeek sounds like a pretty great place to work. A former (anonymous) employee shares his (or her?) experience:

“I was working for MindGeek in its previous incarnation, Manwin. The office floor I was on had, I’d say, at least 100 people. My department had about 10 artists. The location I was in handled accounts, customer support, writing, design and administration, as far as I know. I never heard of any local production, which all seems to happen in the United States on the West Coast (though I know artists would drop by the office on occasion). That isn’t to say scenes weren’t filmed in Montreal – we just weren’t really privy to it.

“The work environment is very corporate, but I think looking at porn all day gave some people leeway to be a bit more vulgar than what you’d see in a regular office. There was about an 80 to 20 split of male-to-female employees in the department I was in.

“When I was there, there was a fully catered breakfast every morning: waffles, bacon, scrambled eggs in chafing dishes; free coffee, cappuccino and tea all day. They outfitted you with whatever you wanted, equipment-wise – nice headphones, drawing tablet, and serious computer setups with multiple monitors.

“My bosses were respectful and encouraging. They ran a pretty tight ship. There were a lot of advanced metrics in play for what counted as a “successful” banner ad, in terms of click-through. They also had serious full time security there (nicely dressed, lethal-looking guys with those in-ear walkie-talkies) posted at the front doors of the floor.”

Overheard at the porn factory

Adult entertainment brings together all sorts of colourful characters. This former porn industry employee had the forethought to write down some of the best gems to come out of his coworkers’ mouths:

“Listen, just put yourself inside the average couch-wanker.”

“We need to barter a deal, because we’re just not going to get the hardcore jerkers.”

“Sexual harassment? My pants are still on.”

“They’re called ‘airplane titties’ because if she runs fast enough with them flapping, she’ll fly.”

“Q: Can you have such a thing as mutual molestation? A: Dude, what’s with you asking me all these metaphysical questions?”

“No! Put ‘NUTS’ in capital letters.”

“Do you remember that one banner I did? The one with the girls coming out of the rusty barrel?”

“I stopped believing in god when I realized men have nipples for no reason.”

“You look at Russian porn stars and they’re pretty, but they look like they’re unhealthy and have no vitamins flowing through their brains.”

“Man, I wish I was alive when the Marquis De Sade was. Before the 24-hour news cycle and new media, you could do whatever you wanted behind closed doors.”

“I just wrote ‘nut sack’ into Google Video and got all sorts of strange results.” ■