When eating out isn’t sexy

Átame

Dim lights, tables separated by sheer white curtains, gold crushed velvet seating, a chanteuse/guitarist clad in red satin, a dancer in a feather boa and pasties, female hostesses that look like models and wine, dessert cocktails, morsels of raw meat, mounds of veal doused in BBQ sauce, bony red snapper, oysters with passionfruit and melon/berry soup in a liqueur glass.

All that was missing from the so-called sensual scene at last night’s media launch for Átame (“restaurant aphrodisiaque”) was a greased-up, long-haired sax man playing solos, and maybe a pair of cherubs feeding me grapes.

There was nothing particularly hot about being jammed into the corner of a restaurant and sharing food with a large table of strangers as it trickled out of the kitchen over four long hours. Of course, this isn’t how the public will experience Átame, and to be fair, the food photos I’ve seen online look better than the few dishes we sampled. But ladies, if you’re ever invited out to this particular Plateau corner (Duluth and Drolet), know that whoever asked you wants to bone you, and is a probably total cheesebag. ■

Átame’s grand opening, with performances by Christine Ghawi, Chloe Bourgeois, Mimi Cherry and DJ Steven Caicedo, happens at 351 Duluth E., Saturday, Oct. 5, 7 p.m., RSVP atame.mtl@gmail.com / 514-667 5848