Montreal derby superstars hit the track

The New Skids On the Block open up the 2013 Montreal Roller Derby season tonight. Wanna know what’s in their fanny packs? Or how they prepare for games? Or how they like to get down? Read on…

The Montreal Roller Derby League is kicking off its 2013 season tonight by pitting its elite travel team, the New Skids On the Block, against Kitchener’s Tri-City Thunder.

If you’ve never been to a New Skids game, you can expect the following things, without fail: 1) PBRs 2) beeramids made of said PBRs 3) an excessive number of fanny packs, and 4) a blinding amount of neon. You might get a choreographed dance performance in between periods if you’re lucky.

The New Skids are the best roller derby team in Canada and a perennial favourite of the Women’s Flat Track Derby Association (essentially the NHL of roller derby). They don’t play in Montreal often, since they exclusively play against other cities and not other Montreal teams, so this is one of three opportunities you’ll have to catch them in the 2013 season.

We asked some of the Skids’ key players a few important questions ahead of the game tonight.
Best New Skids jammer
Iron Wench. But she is so modest about it, she would probably give all the credit to her blockers. (Bone Machine #11:11, blocker)

That’s like asking to choose between cake and ice cream. (OHI #0, jammer/blocker)

Best blocking move
Booty blocking (basically sitting on the opposing jammer’s lap), which, when done effectively, completely traps them and keeps them from scoring your point. (Bone Machine #11:11, blocker)

Sternum hits on unsuspecting skaters. (Assassinista #AK47, blocker)

Reverse mama hen — when a blocker turns around and guides her teammates while they block an opposing jammer; the lateral booty block; hammer and nail (classic); and good ol’ positional blocking and teamwork! (Chasing Amy #454g, blocker)

Game(s) you’re looking forward to the most in the 2013 season
I’m looking forward to playing Boston next month. We have a friendly rivalry with them and play them every year. It’s always fun and a great challenge. We are also going to San Francisco and Chicago, which is pretty rad. Our inter-league rep, Georgia W. Tush, really set us up with some sweet games this season. (Bone Machine #11:11, blocker)

Playing Gotham, ‘cause they are the best roller derby team in the world. It’s like getting gang-banged by the most talented porn stars in the world. How can it get any better? (Smack Daddy #3X, blocker/pivot)

Windy City, Bay Area and Gotham — still a rumour, but it would make my year! (Chasing Amy #454g, blocker)

I’m also on hometeam les Filles du Roi, so I’m super pumped about the home team season! (OHI #0, jammer/blocker)

Against the Boston Massacre in March. It’s probably the most friendly rivalry, yet it stays extremely competitive. (Trash N’ Smash, #1.18L, blocker)

Favourite dance move
Sick Cat!! (Georgia W. Tush #40oz, jammer/blocker)

The Sick Cat ©Georgia W. Tush. (Assassinista #AK47, blocker)

The aggressive point. (Chasing Amy #454g, blocker)

The funky chicken. (OHI #0, jammer/blocker)

How many pieces of neon clothing do you currently possess?
Well over 30, from underwear to full-length onesies. (Georgia W. Tush #40oz, jammer/blocker)

Upwards of 15 pieces — at least! I realize how bright and ridiculous my wardrobe is when I catch myself wearing more than three pieces of neon at work. Turns out neon stands out in the real world! (Chasing Amy #454g, blocker)

I’ve got a pretty rad pink and black zebra-striped unitard that will make its debut tonight. (OHI #0, jammer/blocker)

Probably close to 25. For a girl that used to wear only black, that’s a lot! (Trash N’ Smash, #1.18L, blocker)

Best pre/post-game rituals
Pre-game pep talk in the mirror à la Dirk Diggler. (Smack Daddy #3X, blocker/pivot)
Free beer. (OHI #0, jammer/blocker)

What’s in your fanny pack

Protein powder, a comb and a mirror, fake bling, Crest Whitestrips, 20-lb. dumbbells and a photo of Kim Kardashian in a bikini. (Smack Daddy #3X, blocker/pivot) ■
Montreal Roller Derby season opener happens at Taz Skatepark (8931 Papineau), doors at 6 p.m., game at 7 p.m., $10 in advance and limited number of tickets at the door

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